Sexual Dysfunction ruins lives...

• An 18 year-old discovered pornography as a 10 year-old. From that very first exposure to porn he felt gripped by an insatiable curiosity that pulls him to places that he never thought he would go...

• A 30 year-old thought that marriage would take care of his out-of-control sexual impulses.  But marriage hasn't fixed anything!  Now he is afraid that his wife will discover his struggle with porn -- or worse still he fears that he may wreck his marriage, his family, and his reputation all in a single day!

• He is in his 50s or 60s and his life is starting to fall apart.  Up until recently his fear of getting caught kept him from acting on his hidden sexual fantasies.  But now with easy anonymous access to pornography on his smartphone he has crossed barriers he was sure he would never cross...

• He is a respected leader in his community or church.  He feels condemned by his 'binge-purge' cycle with pornography and masturbation -- and he feels helpless to stop.  He is disgusted with himself and he has no idea what to do...

• Each of these men know that they are fighting a losing battle with sexual compulsions.  They know they are more out-of-control with each passing year.  Who knows where they will end up?

• It makes so that he can't truly love those closest to him. Sexual sin is inherantly selfish. We are not able to have divided primary loyalties! 

• It hijack time and energy for life, personal growth and development.  All that time and money wasted on fantasies sidetrack him from the really important things God is calling him to do.

• It blocks freedom in relationships.  He feels like a hypocrite.  He knows 'the real me' doesn't match his public appearance.  He can't look people in the eye; he thinks, 'If they knew what I do when no one is looking...'  Increasingly he isolates himself from others to safeguard the image of himself he projects...

• ​He can't stop by himself.  He has promised God and himself that this will be the last time that he looks at pornography and masturbate -- for the 1,000th time!  The on-going experience of  'I can't stop acting out' destroys his self-confidence in many other areas of life.  He almost gives up hope of ever being free again.  Nothing he tried has worked so far.

Sexual sin destroys human potential!

     On April 7, 2021 I was given the opportunity to speak to the Beachy Amish Mennonite Ministers at their annual meeting. This excerpt is from the last 30 minutes where I talked about sexual sin and proposed a way to make it safe for people to get help.

I speak with church leaders

and you get to listen in...

     What I have found along the way is that true sexual wholeness and freedom is NOT just a one-time intellectual mastery and understanding of certain basic concepts. 

     It is rather an acting on basic truths again and again in the context of relationships with brothers who know all about me and still love me!  This is one of the reasons that we rarely are able to get well on our own.

     We won't make much progress toward sexual freedom until we are truly broken, quit pretending, and come to God in genuine repentance.  We need to be willing to be guided by another person that knows the way out of this bondage.  

     If we mess up in a stressful situation, we ask God for forgiveness, and together seek to  understand about what happened and why.  We 'close the doors' to temptation in order to stay safe.  We have a 'willing to do whatever it takes' attitude to become free.  If we have this kind of commitment we will make significant progress.

       Many of us need the accountability aspect of having someone regularly ask us the hard questions about how our week went and to help us unravel the mystery of why we went to porn and masturbation again or why we were so triggered in the first place.  There is always a reason.  But we have to be committed to complete honesty.  In recovery we say, 'You are only as sick as your secrets!'  Having a mentor who lovingly believes in us and who can see our progress we are making even before we can is so helpful.

      A very important part of our healing is to also help other men who are several steps behind us in their healing journey.

THIS is the way forward...  

Arthur Nisly

Want to know more about My Story and why I am eager to work with you?  Click here.

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THIS is what Sexual Freedom looks like:

• An alive relationship with God that is free from guilt and shame

• A satisfying relationship with your spouse (or preparing for a future spouse!)

• Renewed Confidence in Relationships with others because now you have nothing to hide!

• Able to face difficult circumstances with confidence because you are winning this most difficult victory of gaining sexual purity.

• ​Leaving a Legacy and good example for your family and other people influenced by you.

• 'Giving it forward' by helping other men to freedom, too!

• You know what sexual sin (either in thought or action) does to our relationship with God -- the guilt, the shame, the troubled conscience, the lack of peace with God
  

• Choosing the 'feel good now' path -- the way that feels easiest right now without any thought of future consequences destroys your ability to do the hard, right things that God created you for!
  

• This procrastination mindset, 'pushing off getting into recovery until later' mindset increases the probability of being found out rather than proactively finding help first.  There is always more grace given when we voluntarily ask for help...

• The extent of our sexual struggles almost always gets worse until we are discovered.  Our enemy is a liar when he suggests that giving in to sin provides relief from temptation.  The inner torment only gets worse.

• Additionally almost always the struggler finds himself doing things he never thought he would.  Why?  Because, like the substance abuser, what used to give pleasure no longer has the same numbing effect.  The type of activity and content that we view tends to become more explicit and more degrading with the passing of time.

• Not being able to stop acting out sexually makes you feel like a wimp and robs you of your self-confidence in other areas of life, too.  More and more you withdraw and become a loner.  You feel like a hypocrite.  You can't look people in the eye.
  

• ​Your spouse and family will suffer incredibly much.  Studies show that your family feels almost as much pain and betrayal-trauma consequences of you watching pornography as compared to you being in an adulterous relationship!  Both hurt the family members you love a LOT!  

The High Cost of Staying Stuck:

Begin Your Healing Journey Now!  Do it — for YOUR future!

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